Good morning. I hope you’re not in the wrong place. Nothing’s on sale here this morning. In fact, today we’re not even giving away free coffee, doughnuts, and juice. Sorry, kids. No, here at Transfiguration we’re only offering the “Body and Blood of Christ” and you know what? For true believers, that’s the best deal you’ll find today and every day.
This past week when I was waiting rather impatiently in a long line at a check out counter and my “Christmas spirit” was beginning to wane, I started talking to a little girl and her mom. The little girl was obviously very excited about the colorful scarf she was holding in her hands. She told me that it was a gift for her grandmother who was coming to visit for the holidays. Making small talk, I asked the little girl where her grandmother lived. “Oh, she lives at the airport and when we want her, we just go and get her.” “Oh, really,” I responded. “Uh-huh,” she said. “Then when we’re done having her visit, we get in the car and take her back there.” I chuckled, but the mother was aghast. She never knew her five-year old daughter’s perception about where grandma lived.
Then there’s the more serious story of a father, mother, and their young son who welcomed the father’s ailing Dad into their home. Grandpa was old, feeble, and shaky. When he ate, he dripped and dropped and made a mess. When guests came to dinner, the family fed Grandpa in his room because he embarrassed them in front of their friends. Finally he broke so many dishes and made such a mess that his family gave him an old wooden bowl to eat from. Gradually all his meals were served in his room so that the family wouldn’t be bothered by him.
One day the parents saw their young son whittling on a piece of wood and asked him what he was doing. “I’m making a wooden bowl for both of you to eat from when I grow up and you grow old.” The parents were stunned by their child’s actions and remarks, but from then on Grandpa ate at the family table. He didn’t stop dripping or dropping, but that didn’t seem to matter anymore. A little boy’s whittling had restored the family’s perspective.
Both of these stories help to illustrate that it’s within family where children’s early perceptions are formed and where lessons, some more important than others, are learned. In both instances we can see that it’s mutual love, patience, respect and humor that unite the family. It’s the lesson that Jesus Ben Sira, the second century B.C.E. author of our first reading, is teaching us today.
Taken from a longer section of writings concerned with family life, today’s text is Ben Sira’s practical application of the commandment, “Honor thy father and mother.” In ancient times, the loving care of children for their parents was considered a sacred duty. To fail to honor one’s parents was to fail to honor God. Nevertheless, and despite the severity of this law, there were some who found their way around it in order to satisfy their own selfish desires. Certain Jews, the Pharisees, often declared their property to be corban or property dedicated to God. In that way they avoided the obligation of supporting and caring for aging or ill parents. From their viewpoint, what was God’s wasn’t available for charitable use.
In the past few weeks, I’ve visited seven different nursing homes and assisted living facilities where parents of some of our parishioners are living and I can tell you, none of those parishioners is shirking responsibility for caring for elderly and often infirm parents. In every instance, I found residents clean and neatly dressed and caretakers friendly and knowledgeable of them. Having had a mother who was dealing with the devastating effects of Parkinson’s Disease and related ailments in a nursing home for nine years, I know the personal toll it can take on the entire family and the feelings of guilt it can produce. But, if you have a parent in a senior living facility and are trying your best to visit as often as possible and to keep on top of their care, don’t let guilt get you down. In every instance where the elderly person could communicate with me, while they may have had a complaint or two, usually about their physical problems which limited their independence, they spoke lovingly of their adult children. And that’s not only a testimonial to the adult children, but also a testimonial to their parents who raised them.
As St. Gregory wrote centuries ago, raising children is the “art of arts.” Parents, like artists, are creators. They mold not just the bodies of their children, but their minds and hearts as well. The family is our first moral training ground where we develop conscience, our moral compass, through the nurturing care and example of those who love us unconditionally. Character takes shape under the attentive direction of the dos and don’ts, those teachable moments in each day that provide opportunities to learn and grow. Family is where values are taught, priorities are set, and virtues are cultivated. It’s also the place where we first experience and come to know God. Of all the things parents work so hard to provide for their children, the gift of knowing God is perhaps the most important. Indeed, it is certainly the most enduring, for the gift of knowing God is what sees us through every day, through every joy and sorrow, through all the good times and the bad.
And so, friends, whatever your situation, whatever may be causing you pain or heart-ache, anxiety and worry, during this season of joyfulness, you’re here in church today because someone, most likely your parents, gave you the gift of knowing God. Use that gift often – during the good times, but especially during the tough times as well. That’s when the gift is particularly valuable. Be ever mindful that with God, all things are possible.
On this, the Feast of the Holy Family, we honor all parents, but today we especially would like to honor those who may be in the sunset of their years. For that reason I’d like to close with a poem by Esther Mary Walker entitled Beatitudes for Friends of the Aged.
Blessed are they who understand
My faltering step and palsied hand.
Blessed are they who know that my ears
today
Must strain to catch the things they say.
Blessed are they who seem to know
That my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.
Blessed are they who looked away
When coffee spilled at table today.
Blessed are they with a cheery smile
Who stopped to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say,
“You’ve told that story twice today.”
Blessed are they who know the ways
To bring back memories of yesterdays.
Blessed are they who make it known
That I’m loved, respected, and not alone.
Blessed are they who know I’m at a loss
To find the strength to carry the Cross.
Blessed are they who ease the days
On my journey home in loving ways.
Merry Christmas and God bless.
Gloria S. Sciolino
December 26, 2004
Feast of the Holy Family
Sirach 3: 2-7, 12-14
Col 3: 12-21
Mt 2: 13-15, 19-23