G - Many years ago, before our daughter Kate was born, Tony and I, along with three other couples and a few of their children, were invited to a friend’s house for dinner. After we all sat down at the table, our hostess turned to her six year old daughter and asked, "Jamie, would you like to say the blessing?" "I don’t know what to say," she responded. "Just say what you hear mommy say," our friend replied. We all bowed our heads as Jamie prayed, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner."
Ever notice that children seldom misquote you? In fact, they usually repeat word for word what it is you shouldn’t have said. That’s why folk wisdom tells us that "little pitchers have big ears." The same holds true, of course, for their big eyes.
When children parrot back what they hear, they’re actually mimicking the verbal behavior of others. Children almost always do better at imitating adults than listening to them. They generally close their ears to advice, for instance, but keep their eyes open to example, especially the example of parents. Educators and psychologists confirm that we learn best from modeling, by observing and imitating the behavior of those closest to us, those we admire. Remember how you first learned to ride a bike? Not surprisingly, experience confirms two additional points—One, Parents are the first and best teachers; and two, Life’s most important lessons don’t happen in the classroom. And that’s from a former teacher of thirty years!
It’s within family that we first learn how to behave in civilized society. Family is the laboratory in which we learn how to live with, work with, care for and be responsible for each other. It’s within family that we discover who we are and what God expects of us. It’s essential, therefore, that all of us understand -- children are like sponges, soaking up everything that goes on around them. They’re like polished mirrors, reflecting back with clarity what they see and hear.
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T -"
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust God.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I felt you kiss me good night and I felt loved and safe.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking."
One of the most important roles parents play for their children is passing on their faith tradition. A faith tradition, after all, isn’t just about our relationship with God, but about what values flow out of that relationship, how we follow those values in our daily lives, especially in how we treat our neighbors next door, cross town, and across the world. What’s the best way to pass on our values? It’s obvious -- by practicing what we believe. And as we practice what we believe, we should keep in mind this nugget of Lakota Sioux, Native American, folk wisdom: "Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I will remember. Involve me and I will understand." Isn’t that why you take your kids along with you to church on Sunday?
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G - Jesus was born into and grew up within a family in first century Palestine. His family was devoutly Jewish, comfortable with prayer, and observant of all religious ceremonies and holy days. Today’s gospel from Luke shows Mary and Joseph dutifully taking their newborn son to the temple in Jerusalem to be presented to the Lord, according to Mosaic Law. Fluent in Hebrew and well read in Jewish scriptures, much of his religious education occurred at the local synagogue in Nazareth.
Jesus must have lived in a home that showed unusual respect for women because his comfort level with women was revolutionary for his time. To at least some degree this had to be learned behavior. He must have also lived in a home that was deeply compassionate toward the needy and outcast. His willingness to dine and associate with outcasts, for example, would have been unheard of within the Jewish community of his day. This too was learned behavior. He remained an ordinary, hard-working young man with a deep faith who learned to live his faith in an extraordinary way.
It’s important to understand that nothing about the mystery of his divinity can be allowed to detract from his humanity. Jesus was fully human, as well as fully divine. He wasn’t a hollow shell of a man with a divine yolk, like an egg. He didn’t go through the motions of being human, he was human.
The emerging consciousness of himself as Son of God came about only gradually. It occurred through his human effort to learn, understand, and interpret his human feelings about things like relationships, loneliness, loyalty, betrayal, life and death. He developed total identification with the joys and sorrows, trials and tribulations, of the human condition. Living in a devoutly Jewish home, cared for by loving parents, and taking part in the religious, social, cultural, and even recreational activities of his day, Jesus grew in wisdom and holiness. And there to guide him along his journey of self-discovery, living their faith, modeling right behavior, were Mary and Joseph, his human family.
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T - Following the scene depicted in today’s gospel, the next time we get a glimpse of Jesus in scripture, it’s Passover, he’s 12 years old, and together with his family is again in the temple in Jerusalem. Already displaying uncommon religious and spiritual wisdom as an adolescent, by then he realizes that he has a special relationship with God.
Jesus, like any child, learned what he lived. Out of the experiences of his life, from interactions with role models, he developed into the Savior of humankind -- with a love so profound that you and I can’t offend against it or even flee from it.
The quality of care and attention given to children is crucial to whether they grow into loving persons capable of kindness or destructive ones capable of monstrous acts. Generally speaking, children treat others the way they are treated. Those raised in an environment of unconditional love, for example, begin over time to define love in terms of what they’re experiencing. The more clearly and consistently love is modeled, the more naturally and effortlessly it becomes a part of their lives. Children raised in loveless environments, on the other hand, ones characterized by serious dysfunction, lack of attention, and maltreatment, will likely develop personality or other disorders that pose considerable risks to themselves and society. And that’s from 16 years experience as a family court judge!
It’s fine to want to give your kids things that you didn’t have when you were growing up, within reason, of course, but it’s essential not to neglect to give them what you did have or perhaps didn’t have, but wished you had. And the best gift of all is the gift of you. Is there any doubt that a little one would much rather have a warm lap to curl up into than the latest fad toy to play with?
During the ‘60’s one of the songs that has since become a pop classic is Harry Chapin’s "Cats in the Cradle." In it, a busy father who never quite got around to being with his son as he was growing up laments in a mournful refrain: "My boy’s grown up to be just like me, my boy’s just like me." The now grown son can’t seem to find time to spend with his aged father.
Kids need our time and lots of it. Child development experts believe "unhurried time" with a few loving adults is as important to children as good health and a safe environment. Our daughter Kate, now 21, taught me that lesson well when she was 2 or 3. I’d just come home from a long day at the office. While she was in my arms telling me about her day in pre-school, I was interrupted by an important phone call. As I was talking on the phone ignoring her, she bit my nose! Kate wanted my undivided attention and she let me know about it. I got the point!
As brothers and sisters in Christ we know we’re responsible not only for the welfare of our biological children, but also children of other families too, particularly those in need. The African proverb says it well: "It takes a village to raise a child." Two parishioners here at Transfiguration serve as mentors to two Monroe County Juvenile Drug Treatment Court adolescents who desperately need responsible adult role models in their lives. Do you have any time to play that role for a needy youngster to whom you’re not related by blood or marriage?
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G - God gave us His Son within a Holy Family, the feast we celebrate today, to teach us how to live our lives -- God’s way. By reverencing each other, sharing their love in an uncommon way, the Holy Family offers us a powerful witness and a challenge. A challenge to be aware of the power of our own witness, for good or ill -- because it’s not only God who’s watching and listening.
Gloria and Anthony Sciolino
he Feast of the Holy Family
December 29, 2002. (Cycle B)
Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14
Colossians 3:12-17
Luke 2:22-40.