Paul

“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.”

(Ephesians 5:22)

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife told her husband, “You should do it because you get up first and then we don’t have to wait so long to get our coffee.”

The husband responded, “Well, you’re in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it because it’s part of your job. I’ll just wait for my coffee.”

“No, you should do it.” replied the wife. “Besides, it’s in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Really starting to get upset, the husband said, “I can’t believe that. Show me.”

So the wife went and got the Bible off the coffee table, opened it to the New Testament and showed him the top of several pages. “See,” she said, “HE-BREWS.”

Of course, if the husband had been a bit more knowledgeable about the Bible, he could have taken it from his wife, turned back a few pages to another of Paul’s letters, Ephesians, and countered, “ But, dear, here it says “…wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”

Not surprisingly, most modern day wives bristle at those words. I certainly do and I make no apologies for it. If I, as a woman who works outside the home, can proverbially, “bring home the bacon and also fry it up in a pan,” why shouldn’t I share equality with my husband who also brings home the bacon, although, in our case, chooses not to “fry it up in the pan.” But even if a woman chooses not to work outside the home, subservience to a husband today sounds like a pretty Neanderthal concept. How can a marriage supposedly based on mutual love and respect include roles of master and subordinate? When taken literally, Paul’s words seem to reek of male chauvinism, which is why his words should not be taken literally.

Paul was a product of his culture and times. He lived in a patriarchal society where the male was the head of the household and men played the dominant role in society. Women and children were considered little more than property of their husbands and fathers. It’s not surprising, therefore, that Paul’s letters written in the 1st century don’t reflect our 21st century notion of equality of the sexes. Let’s not forget, after all, that even in our own country, women didn’t receive the right to vote until 1920.

So what are we to make of these words in today’s second reading that seem to put women down? Most modern scripture scholars agree that Paul’s central theme in this passage isn’t the subjection of wives to their husbands, but rather the parallel between husband and wife and Christ and the church. Paul says “the husband is the head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church.” Paul’s concept of marriage, in other words, is modeled on his concept of church.

According to Pauline theology, the basic meaning of “church” is ‘followers of Christ.” By giving himself totally to his followers including his death on the cross, Jesus wins them/us eternal life and becomes “head” of the church.

The best definition of “head” of Church is what Jesus does at the last supper when he establishes the Eucharist. In secular terms we define “head” of some entity as “the Boss.” (Bruce Springsteen not withstanding!) But at the Last Supper, before he blesses the bread and wine, Jesus rejects this notion of superiority when he assumes the role of servant and washes the disciples’ feet. In John’s Gospel, he says, “You call me Teacher and Lord, and rightly so, for such I am. But if I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, then you must wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example that you may imitate what I have done for you.” (John 13:13-15) Husbands love your wives, Paul says in effect, as Christ loves his Church--- treat them like friends and partners and as opportunies for service.

Gloria and I have been married 36 years. (Yes, in case you’re wondering, I was a child groom!) Like most married folks, we’ve certainly had our share of ups and downs. But we agree on two reasons why our marriage has lasted this long – one, we consider each other as best friend and; two, we view our marriage as a partnership of equals. Forgiving a lot and not keeping score also rank high on the list of reasons. But obviously, since neither one of us is a likely candidate for sainthood and since we both tend to be strong willed, we don’t agree on everything, which is OK. And I still don’t like to cook either!

Recently we decided to up-date our kitchen, but we didn’t want to go over board on cost. Now, I’m the type of person who, once I like something, can keep it that way forever, most husbands’ idea of an ideal wife, wouldn’t you say? Well, Tony is just the opposite. He likes to rearrange things, redecorate, change things, sometimes it seems to me, just for the sake of change. At least once, however, his penchant for change came back to haunt him, like the time he kept moving pieces around in our curio cabinet until one of the glass shelves gave way and a couple prize collectables came tumbling down and broke. I had a few choice non- Christian words to say to him when it happened, but eventually I realized that “things” are replaceable, usually more easily than husbands, and accidents, after all, do happen.

Well, our twenty year old kitchen did need some changing. The oak cupboards were blending in with the oak table and the oak table was blending in with oak floor. You get the picture. So, we both agreed that we needed to lighten and brighten up the kitchen. The only problem was that Tony thought it should be done yesterday.

Now, mind you, it’s mid winter, I’m not only knee deep in snow, but also in work, sick relatives, and social commitments. But, Tony goes ahead and hires the contractor, a friend of a friend of a friend who’s going to give us a “deal.” Tony gets the samples for the cupboards, counter tops, tiles etc. These samples, they’re about the size of a piece of cake for someone on a diet. Small, right? It didn’t take us long to agree on the cupboards, though, off-white maple. The counter tops, now that was a different story. Of course, I was having difficulty choosing because I didn’t especially care for any of my choices, but since a decision had to be made, we decided on a taupey, gold counter top. It would blend with the off-white maple cupboards and with what we thought were the neutral, existing splash board tiles.

The day the installer came to start on the kitchen, I was at work. When I came home, I wanted to cry. Those diet size samples didn’t look anything like the pink- tinted cupboards and gold-ish counter tops that were now my kitchen. Add to that the existing blue wallpaper and the now not so neutral colored tiles. Let’s just say, I was not a happy camper!

Enter my hero, my best friend, my equal partner. No, he didn’t say rip out the cupboards and counter tops. What did he say? “We’ll fix it, we’ll fix it..” First, we sought out the services of an interior designer who helped us pick out new tiles, special order from California. Now they do cover a lot more space than just behind the sink. The designer also spent many hours finding wallpaper that managed to tie everything together well. Of course, in the end the redecoration cost more, considerably more, than we had planned, but if you didn’t know it, you’d think the final result was our original design. And now I even like it. And what’s more important, Tony and I are still married.

Once you understand St. Paul’s advice to married folks in light of contemporary biblical scholarship, you realize that he’s not a 1st century version of Archie Bunker. Feminists need not see red when they consider certain parts of his letters that seem to imply women are second class citizens.

Paul’s advice to wives and husbands is not only consistent with Christ’s teachings, but also consistent with modern ideas of what makes for successful marriages. And obviously, treating one another with respect, as equals, in a loving manner, as willing servants, not only works to promote good marriages, but relationships in general And there’s nothing wrong with that either!

Gloria and Tony Sciolino

August 24, 2003

21st Sunday in Ordinary Time

Joshua 24:1-2a, 15-17, 18b

Ephesians 5:21-32

John 6:60-69